Broken Hearted

We spend a life time setting goals and believing that we can reach them. Or believing that all these amazing things could be ours if we just work hard enough. In reality that is a big part of how to become what we want to become. To work harder and harder in life.  It is so very important to really believe that we can accomplish what we want. And yet we seldom stop to think that life doesn’t always turn out as we planned. That doesn’t mean that we should plan for life to turn disastrous, and we really don’t want to live in fear that we will lose the life we worked so hard for. Yet we do need to understand how life really is. It is so Important for us to continue to believe that life can deliver to us our greatest desire and that we can obtain the very things that make us happy so that we can live in peace and understanding. Life can be good even when, at times, we can’t seem to see it. 

I often think about a family member that their child spent years struggling to gain his health. He was diagnosed with cancer at a very young age and went through so many treatments for years only to pass away. Yet when I look at that family they are unbelievable kind, loving, generous and so willing to help anyone who is in need. So heartbreaking yet so filled with love. 

Every one of us goes through heart ache more than once in a lifetime. Some of the hardest moments in life is losing a loved one. That breaks our soul to its very depths. It seems impossible to ever feel like we can breathe again. 

We can feel that depth of pain when we lose a job, loose a friend, or maybe even have to change our life’s course because of circumstances beyond our control. Perhaps we have even lost the way to fulfill our passion. There is divorce, or breakups, and recently, the pandemic has affected so many of us. 

Why do we have to go through such pain? Why do we have to feel so completely broken and hopeless and filled with literal pain?  Is there really a way to start to live again? How long before we can breathe or even stop the crying and the constant feeling of sadness? 

Have you heard others tell you to just get over it? Yes, to some degree we can change all of this pain by rewiring our brain. Yet in reality remember that this pain is very real. It is called Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy. Says Brown University cardiology Richard Regnante, M.D. “They may be in cardiac arrest, cardiogenic shock, or severe heart failure. They may require advanced life support with airway management and medications to support blood pressure.” All of this from the life changing paths that we had not planned.” 

A broken heart is not just folklore. The study offers a possible explanation. Grief or fear is experienced. Stimulating the adrenal glands and nerves produce stress hormone including adrenaline. The reduced pumping causes chest pain or other symptoms similar to a heart attack, that can sharply lower the heart’s pumping ability.

A ‘broken heart’ is not just a period of emotional sadness. In some cases, it is a traumatic physical event. Takotsubo cardiomyopathy is informally known as ‘broken heart syndrome’ because it often occurs due to an emotional or physical shock. 

So, after learning all that, ask yourself what part do we have control of? It really is true that we can choose how long we will suffer. 

Following are some ideas to help you work though a broken heart and come out feeling like life might be worth living after all:

  1. You can run away from the pain or pretend it doesn’t happen. Or you can work through it and find solutions. Such as: Set some goals that will help you deal with the situation. For example: a vacation with friends or family, take up a hobby, learn something new that can help you with work, or other parts of life. Maybe the greatest help would be to reach out to others that are going through a similar situation and volunteer to help them. I had a friend that their child chose to end their life. After this overwhelming situation she decided to learn all she could about how to help those who are feeling suicidal. She then started working for the Suicide Hot Line. She has saved countless people from their feelings of despair and hopelessness. 
  2. Feel the good and the bad in each and every day.  “One day at a time. As our day goes so does our lives. A day is like a whole life. You start out doing one thing but end up doing something else. You plan to run and errand, but never get there. And at the end of your life, your whole existence has that same haphazard quality too. Your whole life has the same shape as a single day. Do you want to change the shape of your life? Change the shape of your day. Do you want to change your day? Change this hour. Change what you think, feel, and do at this very moment. A small rudder can steer a large ship. Small bricks can become magnificent mansions. Small seeds can become towering sequoias. 

Minutes and hours well spent are the building blocks of a life well lived. They can inspire goodness, lift us from the captivity of grief and pain, and lead us upward, where we can find a fulfilling life.” Elder Dieter F. Uchtodorf 

  1. Take good care of your body. Nothing is more refreshing than to go for a hike in the mountains, forest or beach and have a good cry. Then get your body moving. It will help you release the hurt and be clear minded in your everyday life. Stress can be decreased and your thoughts ordered. 
  2. Get happy with you again. Focus on service, ambitions and goals. If you don’t have them or feel lost on what the next right step is then reach out for help. Yes, heartbreak will recover, but time is something we cannot gain back. 
  3. The biggest step to help you get through a heartbreak is to write down all the things you are grateful for. Write down all the things that you learned from this experience. No matter how hard this has been, there is a reason for it. What Is that reason? What did you learn? What different direction did you go. What goals changed? What kind of people are now in your life. Lots to think about. 

The best thing about having a broken heart is that at that moment in life we have been filled with love and the beauty of life. That person or experience may not be here now yet it gave you Something that a lot of people may not have had the opportunity to feel. How empty life could be if we had not felt those magical, amazing moments that we had an opportunity to live. Write down all of those feelings that you experienced and feel blessed because at that moment you won. 

There are many ways to heal a broken heart, but the most important thing is for you to know that it is possible.

Life is filled with solutions and wonderful ways in which to overcome hardship. If you are willing, you will find what you are looking for. And if a mended, happy, recovered heart is what you seek, then you will find exactly that.

If you are struggling please reach out. One step at a time brings huge steps of progress and peace. 

Take the free assessment on my website and share if you know of someone that is struggling. We are not alone in this world.