Dear Other Women
In all that has happened I just thought I would remined you, that you are responsible for helping destroy the heart of another women and stealing a father away from his children. You stole from a woman, just like you… someone just wanting to love and be loved. As time goes on, you will not be able to ignore what you have done or the disappointment you receive from everyone around you. Maybe, right now you are in deep denial and don’t care one bit about me or my children. I understand! My husband chose you!! Your life is exciting!
But please, let me warn you about what you are going to experience in the coming months or years. You see, you have chosen a man who is actively ignoring God’s will for his life. My husband sadly felt an “emptiness” apart from God, so he went looking for something else to fill it. He gave up a beautiful family and chose you a his “new” family. You must feel wonderful that you waged a personal way, with an older woman, and won. But, dear one, how long do you think it will take before you stop feeling like the prize? When your relationship becomes real and starts to struggle, he is going to look at you and begin to wonder if you were worth it. And you will feel it. Even if he doesn’t say it out loud.
He will realize that your relationship requires just as much work, if not more, than ours did. He will think about all that he sacrificed and become emotionally distant in his confusion. Because I already know how he copes when life gets hard, he will leave you sitting alone as he works long hours… not only to support two households… but to cope with his internal torment and gilt. You see, he has to convince himself, and tell you that he no longer loves me. But, dear hear, because is was God’s Perfect design, my husband will never be able to completely remove me from his heart. Let me explain. Your relationship is a counterfeit of the true covenant marriage before Christ. Your affair and relationship are just a symbol of youth and virility for a man struggling with his faltering ego and identity. At some point, you will start feeling insecure about your place and feel like you must always fight to be worth it. You will always be known as the one that wrecked a home and stole a husband and father. There will be conflict, between the two of you over birthday, holidays, family events and even weddings. A source of negativity…, instead of a source of happiness. You may attend our family gatherings and try to assert yourself as the new “wife”, but your boldness will be seen as arrogance and will, at best, be horribly awkward and uncomfortable. Don’t forget that I might be there. Are you ready to be in my presence? Are you prepared to look me in the eye: will you speak your mind during family conversation? Or will you sit next to him impotent and silent, wishing desperately that you could hide and be inviable? The Holy Spirit will weight on you… in every single one of those situations … no matter how you try to pretend his spirit is not there. At some point, you will become so tiered of being the center of conflict that you will wish for a simpler, more innocent life. You will try to talk to someone- anyone- about your feelings… but very few will sympathize. Why? Because according to the Lord’s powerful word, you are an adulteress whose words drip like honey… a representation of betrayal and lies. You are described, by His Holiness, as a pathway to death and destruction … a temptress who “leads men to slaughter”. Did you know that?
Because of how you two began, you will eventually become suspicious about every text he sends and every late arrival home. You will be paranoid long before he actually does anything wrong… because you know it is exactly how you two began.
In the middle of the night or while he showers, you will begin to feel the overwhelming need to secretly check his phone and will question everything in your mind. But, lets change the scenario to something more positive. Let’s pretend my husband turns to the Lord and wants to be a good and loyal person for you. Let’s say that you experience a transformation and make changes in your own heart. Let’s say you reverently go before our King and ask for forgiveness. Praise God! The scales will be lifted from your eyes and you will finally see that you have caused horrific pain and done some horrible things. You will ask his forgiveness and will absolutely be 100% forgiven! Washed clean! Forgiven by our God!
This experience doesn’t preclude you struggling however, with trying to forgive yourself. Because your heart has been transformed, you will now feel ashamed every single day you remain with my husband. You will not be able to feel, about him, the same way you once did. All of a sudden, your memories of when you both first met will be tainted by every lie that fueled them. Every experience tied him will now be overshadowed by a darkness. you truly are repentant and following Christ, hyo will realize that you can’t be right with God and remain in the relationship. You will make yourself crazy because you will want to do the right thing… for once in your life. You will have to actually break your own heart and walk away. One day, however, the Lord will send you a wonderful, single man to marry. Sadly, you will often worry, at least a little bit, with trusting and insecure feelings. You will have this persistent, nagging feeling that, one day your husband might become “unhappy” and seek to fill his emptiness with another… rather than seek the Lord and fight for you. He might meet an attractive, a younger woman who is willing to say or do anything to manipulate and tempt the husband that you love and steal the father of your children. Unfortunately, dear one no one is completely exempt from what God’s word says about the potential consequences of this awful, hatful sin. No, not one.
By Jana Baker Holmstrom
If you find yourself in this situation please don’t keep living in pain, reach out. There is hope. Kristena Eden