Tag: Clearing the Mind

Categories
Anger LDS Life Skills

9 Ways to Control Your Anger Instead of Letting It Control You

The Natural Man Choice

When our fears are triggered, our natural instinct is to react, giving our self-control over to our anger. But do we really want to live at the mercy of our own anger? To change our natural instincts, we first need to understand our own fears. Do we fear failure, or do we fear loss, such as the loss of the life we were hoping to build, losing a child, losing respect, or losing something very meaningful in our lives? Most often when we are angry, we fear either failure or loss.

Anger can be very corrosive mentally and physically. It releases a flood of cortisol and adrenaline, causing our muscles to tense and our heart rate to increase. High levels of cortisol and adrenaline can destroy the judgment area of neurons in the brain and our short-term memory. Anger can also weaken our immune system.

So why do we allow this emotion to be part of our life? In reality, we should not make room for any destructive anger, but that is a tall order. So, let’s start small and progress from there. Here are some steps to help you turn anger into love:

1. The first step toward turning anger to love is to ask yourself in the moment if you’re angry, sad, feeling rejected, or some other emotion.  Pause and identify what you are actually feeling. Just because you paused it will start to bring that anger under control.

2. Once the actual emotion is identified, search for what triggered your reaction. Was it a tone of voice? Poor timing? A situation that made you feel attacked? Or was it the person? If you know what kind of situations tend to bring your anger to the surface, you can be better prepared to manage that emotion.

3. Think about what actually happened and what you can learn from it. Often we become angry and defensive because we are afraid that we are the problem or we feel out of control or hopeless. It is easier to blame than make the effort or even to recognize that we do have some power to change. None of us intend to be irritating or hurtful and, yes, we all make mistakes. Yet acting in anger can be a permanent mistake if we don’t learn from it and improve our understanding and habits.

4. Assess how to change triggers that anger you. There is no reason you should let a situation or circumstance have power over you. Many times, we just need to make ourselves aware of what is going on inside of us so that we can find ways to let our anger go and replace it with understanding, patience, or love.

5. Don’t blame others for your feelings. Naturally, it is easier for us to believe that we didn’t start the fight and to blame others for our pain, however, in truth, we always have the power to choose our reaction. We can also choose how we are going to feel about the situation.  Remember that your feelings are a choice also.

6. Have compassion for yourself and for others. All of us have hard days and frustrating moments or we are struggling to make our lives happy and feel more connected. We all are of great value to this world and the people around us. Including the person pushing our anger triggers. Just understanding that concept can help us calm our angry emotions.

7. Remember that anger can often be lessened if we are communicating effectively. Here are a few tips for improving your communication, even if you are struggling with anger.

– If dealing with someone who is angry, state that you see they are struggling.

– If you are angry, tell the person you’re talking to that you are struggling.

– Invite the person who is angry to share their feelings or thoughts if they are able or willing.

– Ask the person who is angry what you can do to help.  Showing concern to others who are angry will help them calm their fight or flight response.

-Ask if you can share your ideas, but do not give unsolicited advice. Think about how much angrier it makes you when you receive unwanted advice.

– Consider setting up a later time to finish your conversation if one or both of you are too angry to talk together calmly.

8. Don’t forget that anger brings a lot of energy with it. Use that energy to do something good, such as a hobby, house cleaning, exercising, or fixing something that is broken. When you are physically busy, your mind has time to find solutions and answers.

9. View your experiences as a lesson. Pick one trigger situation at a time and change your view or habit around that trigger.

Why do we have to suffer the overpowering emotion of anger? One answer might be that anger highlights our weakness, allowing us to become strong. It is the emotion that can teach us the most about living a life we have been living to a life with more power to be the person we want to be and have that life we want, because when we learn to use anger to grow and love stronger, then we can master most other things in our life. The hardest situations in life can be the ones we learn the most from if we let ourselves learn from it.

If you or someone you know has a hard time with anger issues, please seek help. 

Take the Free assessment to find what your triggers are. Click here

Kristena Eden

You can reach Kristena, who is a personal coach,  by email at kristena@corelivingessentials.com 

Categories
Depression Friendship Hope LDS Life Skills Marriage Perfection

3 Ways to Find Healing After a Broken Relationships

When we have a broken heart, we often avoid feeling the pain—whether it is a divorce, a breakup, or even a job loss. We fill our lives with busywork to get through the pain, but there’s no easy way out of those overwhelming empty feelings. We need time to grieve and accept the heartache; otherwise, it will heal very slowly or not at all. Experts recommend we go through the emotional pain, not around it. By learning to deal with these emotions, we become stronger people and more capable of handling our trials.

Get out a paper and pen and jot down potential personal goals to work through emotional pain you are facing as you read through the strategies below:

1. Find a New Purpose
“Those who have a ‘why’ to live, can bear with almost any ‘how.’”

― Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

The first step to accepting pain is to understand who we are inside and why we react the way we do. You need to let go of whatever is prolonging the pain (fear, anger, anxiety, discouragement, etc.) and find a new purpose. For example, war veterans, who face years of prolonged pain, have been found to flourish when they find a new purpose to put their energy into, which could include family, purposeful employment, or service of some kind. Think of your broken relationship or situation as a classroom. Ask yourself what could I learn from this? I know of a man who hated his job, and then was eventually laid off, and endured a horrific year before gaining new employment. At first, he questioned his worth, but instead of harboring the pain, he worked through it and realized with the new job he gained improved employment and pay as well as giving him more time with his family. When you are filled with pain it is not easy to see it as an opportunity to learn, but it is the best way through. It may seem impossible to recover from a divorce or a break up, yet the very same principle applies. You decide your viewpoint; you also decide how much pain you will go through, just as this man did. You need to know your purpose or find a new one. We are all children of God and remembering our worth in His eyes can help us find a new purpose, perhaps in a Church calling or family relationship.

Click here for more on a finding new purpose.

2. Exercise
Depression and anxiety are often feelings that accompany emotional pain, and physical exertion gives you immediate short-term relief to these sometimes crippling side effects. Activity increases the level of serotonin and/or norepinephrine and stimulates brain chemicals that foster the growth of nerve cells. On an emotional level, this is one thing you can control and become master of for your body’s and mind’s well being. Getting started is often the hardest part of this step toward healing, so find something you enjoy doing or have always wanted to try such as walking, hiking, tennis, running, swimming, or maybe kickboxing. Find out if there’s someone in the neighborhood or church who participates in one of these activities and would let you join. Just remember to take it slow at first. In these endeavors to keep our bodies and minds healthy, we often make new friends, who can support us when we have relapses of emotional pain or bouts of depression or anxiety over the situation. There is also power to working out in a group. It can provide you with a tribe that soon becomes family. This can also help provide you with a new purpose in life. Make it a fun journey by tracking your progress. It doesn’t need to be about losing weight as much as to get in shape or to just feel better, connect with new positive influences and friends, and give youself a goal to focus on instead of your pain.

Click here to read more about anxiety and depression.

3. Forgive and Move On
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

—Martin Luther King, Jr.

When we have been hurt in relationships, we could also just jump into the next relationship just to fill the void and potentially start the same bad relationship all over again. Or we often build walls to prevent from being hurt again. Yet that also keeps people out who could help us, especially the Lord. In our time of need, we should seek the Lord, rely on Him more, and search for how He would forgive others in this same situation. He is the way to change our perspective and to heal. People need people; we just need to surround ourselves with mentally and emotionally healthy people and have healthy boundaries.

Forgiveness allows the pain inside to be set aside in order to see things from a different perspective, and maybe begin to see why the actions of those who hurt you happened. It doesn’t always mean we have to provide them opportunities to act on those shortcomings, fears, or struggles in a way that will hurt you again, but it can mean that you can, with the Lord’s vision and help, stop carrying their burden as your own and move on. If they are open to it, we can have a conversation with them. Or we can choose to distance ourselves from them.

We often believe they don’t deserve forgiveness, but we must remember that we forgive for our own well being, not theirs. When we don’t forgive, we are bound to that person and the link between you will stay connected through feelings of hurt and resentment. Do you really want to live with that all of your life? Forgiveness will break that bond and you can walk away free with a great weight lightened.

We all struggle with the fear of loss and failure at some level. Dealing with emotional pain, whether it was a good or bad relationship or other heartaches, is immensely difficult. Work to change your view. Learn to see the person who hurt you as no longer the villain, but a teacher who has helped you understand yourself and ask “Am I strong? Am I compassionate? Am I empathetic? Do I know my divine identity?”

Learn to forgive those who never apologize. It will free you.

Click here for more on changing your viewpoint.

Author’s Note: Though these strategies can help, there are times when we need professional help to get through situations in life. Like having a broken leg, if those serious things are not treated or taken care of, they could potentially kill us. If you need outside, professional help, ask for it.

Need some help deciding if you should give a broken relationship another try or walk away? Get the free download below.
Kristena Eden

ONE STEP AT A TIME!
Kristena Eden
801-885-6732
https://corelivingessentials.com/
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kristena@corelivingessentials.com

Categories
Meditation, Spirituality

Mountains to Climb, Meditation

There are mountains in our lives to climb- mountains and mountains to climb. Some times life seems to be only an uphill struggle. We all have our Kilimanjaro to scale.

As a child I loved to go hiking in the desert of Moab Utah. A couple of miles behind my house there was a creek that wound through a gully. It was such a peaceful place for me to visit. During rainstorms, which didn’t happen that often, a flash flood would rage through this hidden garden. It seemed to just wash away all debris and leave in its wake the fresh earth and the remains of a small stream.  How could you find peace and hope for something better in the after math of a raging storm?

Every one of us has a job or purpose that we are to fulfill and we all have that raging storm that comes and hopefully passes on. How do we find that peace in the aftermath? How do we see the fresh start in all that lies before us?

I often turn to the scriptures for guidance. It is here at times a spark can be found to help me start moving my feet up the mountain once again after that storm.

To begin, the more understanding we have about ourselves the better able we are to make the climb.

Lord gave thee understanding in all things. 2 Tim. 2:7

Here is a promise that we can find understanding about ourselves and of what it is we need to recover from our storms.  That is a beginning.  How do we understand our understanding?  In this scripture it states that the Lord will give us understanding. So that must mean that what we need is already inside of us and we just need to gain the understanding of what we have.

I love the parable that was told in Eckhart Tolle “ The Power of Now.”

“A beggar had been sitting by the side of the road for over thirty years. One day a stranger walked by. “Spare some change?” mumbled the beggar, mechanically holding his old baseball cap. “I have nothing to give you,” said the stranger. Then he asked: “What’s that you are sitting on?” “Nothing,” replied the beggar. “Just an old box. I have been sitting on it for as long as I can remember.” “Ever looked inside?” asked the stranger. “No,” said the beggar. “What’s the point? There’s nothing in there.” “Have a look inside,” insisted the stranger. The beggar managed to pry open the lid. With astonishment, disbelief, and elation, he saw that the box was filled with gold.”

What a powerful insight. We have hidden within us a great treasure waiting to be understood.

If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, James 1:5

This is the first stepping-stone on our way to understanding. Ask of God.

I often liken this to my own children. It seems everyday at around noon my kids think they are hungry.  They keep asking when lunch will be ready and some days I would rather not bother with fixing the food. Yet I do it anyway. Right? What parent who really loves their children would deny them something to eat.

Sidney asked one day of all the food on the table, which one was the healthiest and which one was not. I told her that the salad was the healthiest and that the cookies were not. “Oh man,” she said. “Why didn’t you tell me the cookies were the healthiest? That is what I wanted to eat. I don’t want the salad. Please tell me the cookies are the best.” (The heart of a five year old)

Does that sound so familiar? What we want isn’t always what we need. That is so important to remember when we ask God for guidance. Like our own children we will provide for them yet not always the way they want it.

The Lord shall guide thee continually, Isa. 58: 11

Even though we do not always get what we feel we want, He will continually provide for us. And like Sidney, it is a choice if we devour what he gives us.

I will tell you in your mind and in your heart, D&C 8:2

There are so many ways in which that understanding can be given to us. We can receive it in our minds, through studying, or through learning from others. We can be inspired through our hearts and be led one step at a time.

 

He will manifest the truth of it unto you, Moro. 10:4

What ever our choice is to learn and then to live, our Heavenly Father will manifest the truth to us. Are our minds and hearts open?

 

I have often read in the scriptures how important it is to meditate and pray. I have so often wanted a deeper understanding of the word meditate. Is this just to have us think about something for a few minutes—ask about it and then move on?  Is that what it means?

Meditation is a time for deep communion with God and listening to what he has in store for us. Remember this is not a race to the top.

 

Over the years I have study how to communicate, study, learn to receive this understanding from God in all areas of my life. One of the greatest tools I have found is the opportunity to use deep meditation. Putting out of my mind all the overwhelming daily activities, worries or concerns this gives me peace and effective focus.  I have learned that if I can concentrate on one concern at a time that I can find direction. And direction at all is exhilarating.

 

To help you better understand what we need to do, here is some information on brain waves. What does that have to do with finding direction and purpose? That is a good question. Knowing how our brains work at different vibrations helps us understand that there is a possibility to be in control of what our brain is doing, or what we can have our brains do.

 

Whether we are mentally active, resting or asleep, the brain always has some level of electrical activity.

 

Our brain is composed of billions of neurons. Neurons function by continuously firing energy and then resting. The number of times per second that they fire and rest is called their frequency. When we are in deep sleep, most of our neurons pulse very slowly. They pulse faster when we are in a light level of sleep. When we are wide-awake, they pulse even more rapidly.

 

When we are wide-awake, we are in the beta brainwave frequency. When we are more relaxed or in a light level of sleep, we are in the alpha level. At slower frequencies, we are at the theta and delta levels, with the delta being the slowest and the deepest levels of sleep.

 

The best meditative state is the Alpha level. When we learn to slow the brain waves to this level, you can use the entire brain to aid in understanding. At this lower level our mind is no longer racing to all the things in life that need to be done. We are no longer distracted by the stress in our body. Our brain frequency has slowed down and because of this, both sides of the brain can be used to find solutions and understanding.

 

This would explain why we are told to meditate. At these lower levels of brain waves, we are more open to inspiration. We have closed down the outside noise and confusion. Our bodies are relaxed so we are not concentrating on the tension in our bodies. We do not feel anxious and overwhelmed when we have slowed down our brain activity.

 

We can use this information to enhance our abilities, and skills, to change our health, personal growth, well-being and have a deeper communication with our higher being.  This opens the way to different, and better paths to the top of our Kilimanjaro.

 

Daily meditation will develop intuitive faculties, improve heath, and bring inspiration. This process is a guide to become “in-tune” with the real you.

 

 

The steps to knowing and understanding:

 

1-    Mental housecleaning- it is imperative to rid our mind of the negative ideas and thoughts that can plague us. When a negative thought or unproductive thought enters the mind repeat, “ This idea is of no value to me. It is a roadblock not a stepping-stone. I will abolish this idea because it no longer serves me.”

2-    Substitute in its place the goal you want to achieve. Count all our blessings and understand that we are and can receive what we need.

3-    Choose one concern. It can be overwhelming if we choose too many concerns at a time. Pick the one that is most relevant at this moment.

4-    Have a piece of paper and pencil close by, so that thoughts can be written down with eyes closed.

5-    We must study it out in our mind, D&C 9:8. It is very helpful if we learn as much as we can about the subject on which we want to meditate. For example, if I want to learn to be a better parent, it would be good to research, and ask people who have been successful, and talk to professionals. Have several options ready. Sometimes a meditation session will give you directions or locations or people whom you need to learn from.

 

That may seems like a lot of time spent to prepare for meditation. In reality we have a lifetime, right? In searching for truth, time is irrelevant. This process can be faster than years of trial and error. Finding truth can bring peace faster in the long run.

 

 

Here are the steps for meditation.

Find a comfortable place and have on clothes that will allow you to relax. For me, I like to wear my morning sweats and just lay on the floor. You should not get too comfortable because you don’t want to go to sleep. There is a difference between meditating and vegetating.

 

Now that location is decided, we are ready to start clearing the mind. Any time our mind starts to wander we need to bring it back to the present. This is not a time to think about the entire world revolving around you, or about the laundry, dishes and dinner.  This is a time for healing and inspiration.

 

Put on some music (no words) or a sound recording such as rain or water. This helps to keep the mind focused on what is at hand.

 

Start concentrating on the top of the head. Then move down the body to the toes.

 

1- Concentrate on the top of my head saying to myself, “Relax this portion of my body. Relax every cell every muscle, letting go of all my tension in this part of my body.”

 

2- The next part of the body is the face. Concentrate on the face saying, “Relax every cell, every muscle. Relax the muscles around the eyes and lips, then the cheeks.”

 

3- Move to the neck area repeating the same words and concentrating on these portions of the body. I then move to the arms, the chest, the hips, the legs and the feet. After I have relaxed my entire body, I count backwards from 20 to 1. Or count from 10 to 1 or 30 – 1 which ever is need. As I do this, I feel myself going deeper into relaxation.

 

4- Now think of a very peaceful place. For me, I like the beach listening to the water rush to shore. Maybe it could be sitting in the mountains, feeling the breeze blow.

 

5- After visualizing this peaceful place again count backwards from 10 – 1. I am now deeply relaxed and very open to inspiration. If you or someone you know is struggling with problems, this is the state that you are able to help.

 

6- An example would be if I have a headache I would visualize the pain leaving and energy entering in. I might visualize the pain as a weed being pulled out, leaving my head, and flowers (new thoughts or ideas) being planted. Use whatever visualization needed in order to see the healing take the place of pain. One could stay in this state for a few minutes or how much time is needed. It is a time to communicate with our greater power. We are now more open to Heavenly Father’s instruction.

 

7- After I have spent the time needed in this meditative state, I can count from 1- 10 to come out, saying to myself, “I am now awake feeling better than before, having greater health and peace than before. This is a new beginning and the rest of my life is the best of my life. I am now ready to help others in their journey.”

 

I now feel very relaxed, the tension has left my body.  With my new inspiration and energy, I am better able to move forward on my destination.

 

This technique could only take 20 minutes or more if need. If time is short, a 5 min run down is better than none.

 

The first few times that this is done there may not be a great deal of change. It is important to keep practicing.

kristena@corelivingessentials.com 

 

Believe in yourself, and in your ability to receive direction. It will happen. These sessions will become a time to lift and inspire. It will be a joy to climb your Kilimanjaro.

Categories
Meditation, Spirituality Stress

Clearing the Mind

Scientific research over the last several decades has revealed that the most successful people use their minds differently than the average person. This is done through meditation.

Meditation is a state of concentrated attention on some thought or object of awareness. It usually involves turning your attention inward. By using meditation we learn to use the analytical side of the brain as well as the creative side of the brain. Most of us are more dominant to one side of the brain or the other.  Using both sides of the brain enhances our aptitude. Meditation can be used for personal development or to focus the mind on God, finding peace, or solutions to our problems.

Meditation is usually defined as a state of relaxed concentration on the reality of the moment or an experience when the mind is free of all thoughts. Your attention has been liberated from restlessness, focusing on a single object, invoking the guidance of a higher power. This can also be called centering, prayer, deep relaxation, self-hypnosis or contemplation. Successful people belong to those who have the ability to us both sides of the brain.

Believe in yourself and in your right to have what you seek. Believe that there is a solution to every problem. Believe that you have the potential to make greater things happen. Believe that you are worth it. Believe you can.

Anything you can conceive, believe, and genuinely desire, you can achieve when you apply your developed skills.

For example, changing the belief statement from, “I have so many problems that I’ll never be happy “ to “I will solve my problems and create greater happiness and health in my life.” This change has the potential of improving your living experience.  This is where meditation comes in. You can use this tool to change or enhance that basic belief system that is buried deep within your mind.

Can you imagine being able to achieve optimal health and achieve all your dreams with very little effort? You are entitled to have every happiness, success and fulfillment you can dream of. Maybe most of us are not aware of the help that comes from a greater source than ourselves. Imagine what it would be like to have it all. Imagine having health, great relationships, and monetary surplus.  There are laws that govern our ability to obtain these dreams.

We are living in a society with some of the greatest resources in history. We have some of the greatest teachers, greatest wealth, and some of the greatest doctors. Yet we have more divorces, new diseases, and so much war, contentions and general unhappiness. There is something wrong with this picture. We get so wrapped up in daily life that we forget that we can tap into something greater than ourselves and achieve more than we could ever accomplish on our own.

On the surface we think that if we just bulldoze through, things will get better. We are working ourselves to death and still not moving ahead. We are trying to build a tall building without building the foundation. We are creators and there are no helpless victims for any of us older than 18 years of age. We can use these laws and build upon them instead of living life like a bull in a china store. You can create anything you want. You do not have to settle for less.

I heard the story about a mom who had some old curtains in her living room. She said she didn’t like them and they were so worn out and ugly. When asked why she didn’t get new ones, her comment was that she couldn’t afford them.  So year after year she had the same curtains. One day someone told her she really must like the curtains or she would not still have them. If you really wanted them gone, they would be gone.  But how do I afford new ones?  That will come if you want it to.  Begin with getting rid of the curtains you do not like. When we keep old habits, and old thought process there is no room for new thoughts or in her case no room for new curtains.  In a few days she did have new curtains. She threw away the old ragged ones and cleared her mind to find a way to replace them. How do we do that with the mental clutter we live with everyday? How do we use this process to improve our health, to slow down the aging process, to improve relationships, to improve any area in our lives?

It is so important to let go of past problems, past failures and past difficulties.  In changing our deep inner thoughts, we can rise above. We need to let go of the ragged curtains in our lives to make room for better health, better relationships and become that person who is buried deep inside.

This process is a meditative state. The following will explain what you need to do. While in this meditative state you clear your mind to make room for problem solving, for healing of your self, to help others heal, or find what they need. In this state you can commune with that greater creator and allow room for inspiration and help.

This state also is a good stress reducer. It teaches how to completely relax in just a few minutes. Practice is what makes all things work better. Take 20 minutes everyday for meditation and you will find a total renewal of life.

Find a comfortable place and have on clothes that will allow you to relax. For me, I like to wear my morning sweats and just lay on the floor. You can’t get too comfortable because you don’t want to go to sleep. There is a difference between meditating and vegetating.  Now that you have your spot you are ready to start clearing your mind. Any time your mind starts to wander you need to bring it back to your meditation. This is not a time to think about the entire world revolving around you, or about the laundry, dishes and dinner.  This is a time for healing and inspiration.

Put on some music (no words) or a sound recording such as rain or water. This helps to keep the mind focused on what is at hand.

You start concentrating on the top of your head. Then move down the body to your toes.

1-Concentrate on the top of your head saying to yourself “Relax this portion of my body. Relax every cell every muscle, letting go of all my tension in this part of my body.”

2- The next part of the body is the face. Concentrate on the face saying, “Relax every cell, every muscle. Relax the muscles around the eyes and lips, then the cheeks.”

3- Move to the neck area repeating the same words and concentrating on these portions of the body.

You then move to the arms, the chest, the hips, the legs and the feet. After you have relaxed your entire body, you count backwards from 20 to 1. You can count from 10 to 1 or 30 – 1 which ever you need. As you do this, you feel yourself going deeper into relaxation.

4- Now think of a very peaceful place. For me, I like the beach listening to the water rush to shore. Maybe for you it could be sitting in the mountains, feeling the breeze blow on your face.

5- After you have visualized yourself in this peaceful place you can again count backwards from 10 – 1. You are now deeply relaxed and very open to inspiration. If you or someone you know is struggling with problems this is the state that you are able to help.

6- An example would be if you have a head ache you would visualize the pain leaving and energy entering in. You might  visualize the pain as a weed being pulled out, leaving  your head,  and flowers (new thoughts or ideas) being planted. Use whatever visualization you need in order to see the healing taking the place of pain. You could stay in this state for a few minutes or how ever time you feel is needed. It is a time to communicate with your greater power. You are more open to Heavenly Father’s instruction.

7- After you have spent the time needed in this meditative state, you can count from 1- 10 to come out, saying to yourself, “I am now awake feeling better than before, having greater health and peace than before. This is a new beginning and the rest of my life is the best of my life. I am now ready to help others in their journey.” You will feel very relaxed, the tension will have left your body.  With your new inspiration and energy, you will be better able to move forward on you destination.

This technique could only take 20 minutes or more if need. If you are short on time, a 5 min run down is better than none.

This can be used in any area of your life to help yourself or to help mankind.

The greatest health risks in our lives today is all stressed related. We tend to work ourselves to the bone instead of working toward our purpose. Take just this few minutes a day to help you realize your direction and the path to your destination, gaining health benefits along the way.

kristena@corelivingessentials.com